“Anyone who gets divorced goes through a lot of pain, but you come out of it,” Ryan Reynolds.
Breaking up is hard to do. It’s also stressful and emotionally draining and can affect your physical and mental health. But it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Divorce has become commonplace in today’s society; divorce rates in the US are between 40-50%. So if you find yourself with this unfortunate reality on your hands, you’re not alone. There is a whole new world to come post-divorce; however, before this can happen, you need to finalise your current life to be able to start afresh.
Breakups and divorces can be trying at the best of times, even amicable separations; however, this is especially true when children are involved. Still, even if you don’t have kids, you must consider how separation from your spouse will affect your life, your work arrangements, friendship groups, family and much more. If you need tips on how best to navigate this emotional and challenging time in your life, this post has some suggestions on how to deal with a divorce.
Arrange mediation sessions
Mediation sessions can be beneficial for couples who decide to divorce but also want to put their differences aside for the children’s sake. Mediation sessions are facilitated discussions between both parties that are meant to come up with a settlement that’s best for both individuals. This way, the divorce isn’t as stressful, and both parties can move on with their lives more positively and constructively. Couples might be advised to attend a few mediation sessions, even if they’re already separated, to help come to an agreement on issues such as custody, property, and finances. Some states even mandate mediation before divorce proceedings can take place.
Mediation sessions are often more effective than regular divorce proceedings because they are less stressful and contentious. Couples are also more likely to come to an agreement that they both feel comfortable with when they work things out on their own, without a judge involved.
Get legal advice
Although divorce is a sad and regrettable situation, you will undoubtedly benefit from a lawyer’s advice. Your spouse’s lawyer will be looking out for your spouse’s best interests, so you also need someone representing your interests. A divorce lawyer can help you understand your rights, the legal process involved, and how to protect yourself and your assets throughout the divorce proceedings. Even if you and your spouse agree on everything, getting legal advice is still a good idea. You have no way of knowing how your spouse might change their mind later on or what kind of ultimatum they might issue. A lawyer can guide you through the process and ensure you get everything you are entitled to.
If you don’t take steps to separate your finances and joint accounts such as credit cards immediately. Joint accounts between married couples are commonplace. It makes sense to pool finances to pay household bills and ensure you have enough money to live off. However, you should also have your own separate accounts for times like this. This avoids the complicated situation of one party draining accounts or racking up huge bulls leaving the other person liable for covering payments or finding additional funds. This is especially true for cases where financial abuse occurs or one party depends on the other for financial support.
There are many ways to go about separating finances. Experts recommend freezing joint bank accounts and creating a written record of how you handled the split. This will protect you if your soon-to-be former spouse decides to file a lawsuit. You can liquidate joint accounts, keep your money in accounts in your name only, or deposit funds in your spouse’s name. The method you choose must be documented.
Create a support network
Breakups are emotionally taxing, even if you initiated the separation, and divorce can be even more challenging. You don’t have to go through a breakup alone, and you shouldn’t try to do so. You may feel like you have to do everything on your own, but don’t neglect the importance of family and friends at this time. Reach out and ask for help and support, whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or something more tangible, like help with childcare or household chores. Building a support network can significantly ease the burden of going through a messy breakup. If you have children, find a support group or online forum where you can talk with others in similar situations. Sharing your experiences and helping others can take some of the pressure off you and help you feel less alone.
Allow yourself a chance to grieve the loss of the relationship.
Though it might seem counterintuitive, it’s essential to allow yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. You might have been with your spouse for a long time, and a divorce is like a death in a way — it marks the end of a significant and meaningful relationship in your life. Part of the breakup process is grieving the loss of the relationship. You might not have wanted to break up, so you might feel a wide range of normal emotions in this situation.
You may be sad, angry, disappointed, or distressed. You might also be experiencing a wide range of emotions you aren’t sure how to identify. Finding ways to express these feelings can be helpful, but don’t turn to destructive or harmful activities. You don’t need to harm yourself or anyone else. Instead, try healthy outlets like exercise, meditation, yoga, or other calming activities. The time you spend grieving and dealing with your emotions is a necessary part of the breakup process. It will take time, but in the end, you’ll emerge as a stronger, healthier person.
Make custody arrangements if you have children.
If you have children, you and your spouse must decide on custody arrangements. You may be able to reach a mutual agreement between yourselves, or a family law or divorce lawyer may be able to help you agree. If you can’t work out custody arrangements between yourselves, you must file for child custody. This can be a long, complicated process that may take some time to resolve. If you are the parent who will have physical custody of the children, you will need to decide on the children’s living arrangements post divorce and how they will get to and from school, for example. If you have joint custody, you must arrange schedules, so you and your spouse get time with the kids.
Make a plan for your life moving forward.
Divorce can leave you feeling stuck and unsure of what to do next. One of the most important things you can do to survive and thrive after a breakup is to make a life plan. You don’t have to have the whole thing figured out, but knowing what you want to do next is essential. Having a plan for your life will help you feel more in control and less stressed out after a breakup. You don’t have to make drastic changes (unless you want to), but it’s essential to figure out what you want to do with your life moving forward.
Look after yourself
Above all else, you must look after yourself. This breakup may have been a long time coming, and you may have initiated it, but that doesn’t mean it won’t take a toll on your mental and physical health. You need to be proactive about your physical and mental health during a breakup. Pay attention to your emotions, and know when you need to take a break to avoid over-exerting yourself. It’s also important to take care of your physical health. Eat well, exercise, and get plenty of sleep. You may not think these things matter, but when you’re worn out, you have less energy to cope with life’s challenges.
Focus on the positives
When you’re going through a breakup, it’s easy to feel as if your whole life is falling apart. However, this isn’t true. While you’re going through the breakup, you need to find ways to keep your spirits up and focus on the positives. If you have children, find ways to spend time with them and make memories with them that they can look back on and remember fondly. Remember that this breakup isn’t the end of the world, and you will survive it. You will feel better in time and be able to move on with your life and create a better future for yourself.
Breakups are sad and unfortunate, but they don’t have to be the end of the world. If you follow these tips, you can survive a breakup and come out on the other end as a stronger, healthier person. Separations can be incredibly challenging when you have children or have to go through a long and drawn-out divorce process, but with these tips, you can make it through.