10 Reasons Online Dating Isn’t Working for You

Online dating is becoming more and more popular as the years go on. When you think about it, the whole process has actually changed the way dating works. In the past, you would have to meet someone out and about or be introduced to them through someone you knew personally.  Although the initial meeting may have been a good one, you were left with plenty of unanswered questions:

  • Do we have anything in common?
  • What are his/her beliefs on life?
  • Is he/she motivated?
  • Are they looking for a relationship?

And the list goes on and on.

reasons online dating isn't working

So maybe that’s why you gave online dating a try.

I may be biased, but I tend to think that there are reasons why online dating isn’t working for you. If you fit any of the following criteria, then maybe you should change your approach and give it another shot – you never know who’s waiting to meet you!

1. You Don’t Have Pictures Posted (Possibly One of the Main Reasons Why Online Dating Isn’t Working)

SplitShire / Pixabay

It never fails – there always seems to be someone who writes to a bunch of people and never gets a response because they don’t have any pictures of themselves posted on the site.

This is easily one of my top reasons why online dating isn’t working for you.

Without a picture, the odds of getting a response are going to be significantly lower.

From a female’s perspective, we like to know who we are talking to for the following reasons:

  1. Safety
  2. To see if we are at least somewhat physically attracted to them

Do yourself a favor if you don’t have any pictures – take out your phone, snap a selfie, and upload it. That’s all it takes.

2. You Don’t Read Profiles

This was a pet peeve of mine when I was involved in online dating (luckily, my story had a happy ending, and I hope yours does too!).

I remember mentioning sports in my profile and what teams I liked yet there were always at least one or two guys who asked me what teams I cheered for. I get it – you’re anxious to write a message and start a conversation, but at least do some groundwork before you jump in the game.

When you read profiles and mention part of them in your initial message, you come across as more sincere and caring.

It demonstrates that you are genuinely interested in learning more about the person. Besides, you can also use the power of people search tools (like this one) to go a step further and learn more about your potential partner before you commit.

3. You’re Acting Depressed

Yet again, there is always someone who writes me this:

I don’t understand why no one is writing me back. I’m about to give up on all of this.

Drama, drama, drama…

I hate to tell you this, but talking down about yourself is not going to get you a date. In fact, it might creep the other person out. People come to the internet to find someone they match with, not someone they can be a therapist for.

If you are truly that disheartened about the whole process, then it’s time to take a break. Yes, it’s true that self-sabotage is one of the reasons why online dating isn’t working!

4. You Come Across as Cocky

Okay, some people may not mind this as much, but if you fall into this category and you aren’t getting any good dates or messages, then I would back off a little.

If you present as being perfect and knowing how to do absolutely everything in life, then what fun are you going to be? Additionally, you probably made the other person feel bad about themselves because they try to be more humble about their talents.

What I’m saying is that it’s okay to discuss your strengths, but don’t shove them down people’s throats.

5. Your Messages Suck

robinams / Pixabay

Can I have a raise of hands for how many of you have gotten a message that said one of the following (or similar):

  • What’s up
  • Hey
  • You’re so fine
  • How r u

This is the first impression that a large number of you are making on potential matches! There is no effort to really start a good conversation here.

If you are looking for ways to spruce up your messaging skills, read Online Dating: First Message Tips.

At least make an effort to include the following:

  • Your name
  • What sparked your interest
  • A question that asks something you would like to know about the person (that wasn’t mentioned in their profile)

6. You’re Not Responding Quickly Enough

Here’s the deal: there are millions of people who turn to online dating, but that is both a blessing and a curse for you.

The blessing – there are plenty of people to choose from.

The curse – you are competing against them.

If someone writes you a message and you take a week to respond, don’t be surprised if they have already found another date to go on. I’m not saying that you need to respond within an hour, or even the same day, but I would at least make an effort to reply back no later than two days after you received the message.

Show the other person that you are truly interested in them. If they are responding back, then clearly something has caught their eye. Don’t waste the opportunity!

7. You Keep Writing People Who Ignore You

I don’t really understand why people continue to message individuals who don’t respond. If this is you, then I can’t be more apparent about why online dating isn’t working for you.

Some people aren’t going to be attracted to you, and that’s the nature of the beast. I promise that if you continue to message the same person over and over again, one of the following will happen:

  • You will continue to get no response
  • You will eventually get a nasty message in return with some not so nice words
  • You will be blocked

If the person isn’t interested, don’t waste your time. Focus your efforts on someone else who could be a potential match for you.

8. Your Profile is Weak

Never though that your profile is the reason why online dating isn’t working for you? Think again!

Your online dating profile is crucial! You don’t have to be a novelist when you fill one out, but you are doing yourself a disfavor if you say something like “I’ll fill this out later.” Serious potential matches are going to look for information about your interests, what you’re looking for in a date, and activities you enjoy in this section, so make sure you include those details!

Need help? Read Tips for Creating an Online Dating Profile. You’ll be a pro after you’re finished.

9. Your Search is too Narrow

It’s not abnormal to get thoughts in your head about what you think your perfect match would be like.

Short and bubbly?

Tall and caring?

Although understanding your wants and needs in a potential match is important, it’s just as important to not narrow your search criteria down too much.

For example, let’s say you have a list of ten qualities that you want in a match, but they only have nine of them (let’s say they live within a 50 mile radius instead of 25 miles). Since you made your search criteria so narrow, you missed out on someone who could have been a really good fit for you.

Now, I understand that a lot of people don’t want to do long distance relationships, but expanding your search by just 25 to 50 miles could release a whole new batch of people for you to connect with.

On another note, I wouldn’t go too crazy on the hair color and eye color either – there have been plenty of people who have said they prefer a blonde but end up with a brunette in the end.

If online dating isn’t working for you, make sure that expanding your search criteria is on top of your list.

10. You Aren’t Being Yourself

Look, we were all made differently. Part of being successful in online dating is not coming across as someone you aren’t. If you really only exercise once a month but you state on your profile that you go to the gym three times a week, that lie is eventually going to surface.

Ultimately, lying is going to come back to bite you in the booty.

I hope that this list helps you figure out why online dating isn’t working for you! If you have any experiences you would like to share, please don’t hesitate to write them in the comments below!


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