If you’ve ever had your foot in the dating pool, then it can be somewhat troublesome to navigate at the best of times.
Modern dating, however, often feels like bad writing because it lacks authenticity as you meet people via an app rather than in-person. It can often feature repetitive plotlines in the form of ghosting or unwanted pictures via your DMs, and it feels more of a transactional experience rather than an organic one.
From gamified apps to low-effort communication, it makes those looking for real connections feel like they’re only getting superficial experiences.
What Makes Modern Dating Feel Like Bad Writing
There are many reasons why modern dating can feel like bad writing. Dating apps have turned the act of courtship into some sort of game. The illusion of having infinite options to swipe and choose from makes potential partners feel replaceable.
As a result, it tends to lead to lower patience and investment into the dating app itself, never mind the individuals who are looking to date.
Unlike in-person dates, where your time has been allocated and dedicated to spending time with that one person, apps mean you can chat to someone and then switch off your phone if and when you get bored or distracted with something at home or in work.
Many encounters often involve a lot of ‘half-effort’ where there are a few messages heard and there before radiosilence. Some messaging doesn’t even get beyond the app; it just stays as a chat, which can feel like a waste of time for those who are serious about dating.
There are also plenty of ‘bad plotlines’ that can occur with modern dating online. Typical frustrating behaviors such as ghosting or making it into a situationship have become the gold standard and are perhaps similar to cliched plot twists in a badly written script.
Authenticity can be a challenge to find when you’re dating because people online are often curating their best traits, acting more like marketers for themselves than being honest and true. This again can lead to empty conversations. Relying on photos and texts also removes that element of physical attraction. Their scent, their body language, and their tone of voice.
It’s all something that’s missing when you’re dating online and through apps. You can only get so much when you’re speaking to someone through a messenger on your phone after all. Many dates will also hold very high standards for their partners and have a checklist of wants and needs.
Conversely, the person requesting all those expectations will often be the one unwilling to offer high-quality effort themselves.
How to Fix It
So how do you fix it? What can you do to throw out the badly written script for a hot new one? Here are some useful tips that will help you navigate modern dating without it leaving you a sour taste in your mouth.
Go ‘Old School’
Sometimes ‘Old School’ is the best way to meet someone. Meet away from the screen and meet people in real life instead. Use your existing social circle to be set up, or make a cold approach in the next social setting you’re in.
Date with intention
Before you begin any form of dating, whether it’s online or offline, define what you want. It’s always good to be upfront with your intentions and to set any boundaries immediately. This helps to save time and also weeds out those who are just looking for a hookup.
Practice quality over quantity
Delete the apps if it’s something that’s bringing you down. Focus on what you need and perhaps on the one person, rather than treating dating as if you have your pick of multiple options.
Prioritize in-person meetings
Consider limiting the texting phase and instead prioritizing more time for the in-person meetings. The use of face-to-face meetings can help to quickly assess true chemistry and avoid investing time in a digital facade.
Take ownership and self-improve
Instead of blaming society or apps, take ownership of yourself and focus on becoming the best version of yourself instead.
Be authentic, not marketable
Stop hiding the sides of you that you feel conscious about, or that might not suit everyone. Being authentic is the best way to make real connections with any dates you go on.
Dopamine detox
Cutting back on digital distractions, quick-fix apps, and social media is helpful to regain the patience required when building a genuine relationship.
Ultimately, dating is a minefield, but if you’re able to treat dating as a slow and organic process, then you’ll find some really great writers – or dates in this case – amongst the bad ones.
