Have you ever received a bunch of online dating messages only to look at them and see that most of them weren’t worth your time?
Man, I have so been there.
It’s like, “Did you even take the time to read my profile?”
I’m happily off the market now (thanks to receiving one great message in the midst of some really bad online dating messages, but that’s a story for a different day), but I couldn’t help but share some of my favorite renditions of online dating messages that you should never send, or those that you wish you never received in the first place.
If you can relate to any of these or have a good story to tell, please share it in the comments below! I could really use some humor 🙂
Enough chit chat… time for the good stuff!
1. The Ultimate Failure: One Word Online Dating Messages
Imagine receiving one of those words in a message from someone you don’t even know. Seriously? I’m sitting here pouring my heart out in my profile trying to find the right person and all you can muster is a “hey”?! At least make me feel like you read something about me. I mean, how am I supposed to respond to that? Honestly, I never respond to these online dating messages. I know I probably sound super harsh right now, but if you are truly looking for someone to connect with, the effort needs to be there.
2. The Booty Call Message
Oh sweet bologna, I have no words for these except ewww. I did not subscribe to this service just to be a piece of meat. Not sure what I’m referring to? They go something like this:
Dayummm girl you so sexy. Maybe we could hook up later. Girls say they can’t get enough of me.
Sorry fellas, I know I’m totally hating on you right now. Let me make you feel a bit better by showing the girl version:
Hey boy, your body is super sexy. We should go out and get a drink later so that you can take me home after.
I’ll just leave it at that.
3. The Put Down
You shouldn’t even be on this site. You have nothing going for you and you’re ugly.
For real people, why do you have to be so cruel? If you weren’t interested in the first place then you probably should have just ignored me or bypassed my profile. But no…. you just had to get the last word in and say how much better of a person you are then me. Um, hello, we haven’t even talked yet! What makes you think you can make those judgments about me just based off a profile that I was forced to throw together just so I could find potential matches?
4. The Self-Sabotage Message
If I had to rank online dating messages from most annoying to least annoying, this would definitely go on the most annoying side. I’m sorry if I’m not interested or if you aren’t finding people to talk to on this site. Maybe if you wouldn’t be so negative in your profile then people would actually want to talk to you! I’ve seen things like this way too much:
Please, somebody just message me.
Nobody ever writes me back or gives me a chance. I guess I’m not worth anything.
Don’t think this one is common? It totally is.
If you find yourself sending these types of online dating messages, it’s time to take a break, regroup, and come back when you have a more positive view on life.
5. The Conversation Killer
There comes a point in time where you realize if the conversation is going to turn into more than just an online meeting. Honestly, I think this is where a lot of online dating messages go wrong. I’m not talking about the messages where someone tells you that they aren’t interested or think that you don’t have enough in common here. Actually, you should be thankful if you receive one of those because that means the person at least had the audacity to tell you.
The conversation killer I’m talking about is the pointless and empty words that begin surfacing. I usually take this as a sign that the person isn’t highly interested because we’ve probably talked for awhile at this point and there has yet to be any talk about meeting up or hanging out. Instead, we are going back in forth just asking each other any random question we can think of.
Instead of putting yourself through this torture, you should do one of two things:
- Take the plunge and ask the person to hang out
- Be respectful and admit that you just aren’t interested at this point
Don’t let bad online dating messages get you down.
Dating in general is not always an easy thing, so don’t get discouraged if things don’t go as planned right away. Work through the kinks, take the time to invest in people, and don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!
Any other advice or funny messages you would like to share? I’d love to hear them!